Women are deep. We’re complicated and sometimes, that can come off as being high-maintenance. We just want a guy to tell us we are captivating. That we are beautiful. That we are worth fighting for.
It’s our deepest desire: to be pursued by men. Unfortunately, the fall of man twisted that around and now it’s our biggest struggle: to keep a man pursuing her and not chase him.
Although I feel like it’s biblical for a man to pursue a woman, it’s also a woman’s responsibility to entice a man. Read what guys said was the best way to do that in a previous post, “What Makes a Woman Sexy.”
This time, I asked 15 women what they find sexy in a man, and boy, did they have a lot to say.
When You Can Tell Who They Are on the Inside
The first quality that most women suggested had to do with how a man treats a woman. When a man can balance his respect for a woman (through honest and real communication) and knowing how (and when) to flirt with her, he can call himself a stud. Girls like guys to use their words. Tell her she’s beautiful, that she’s intriguing, that she’s talented, yada yada yada ….
Another biggie is spontaneity. Personally, I think that a man who doesn’t fear the future has grit. He has faith. He has guts.
Two more qualities appeared in the answers of multiple women, and quite honestly, these two are probably the biggest turn-on’s for me: humility and passion.
A guy has no idea how sexy he is when he lacks arrogance and instead, blushes at a compliment or speaks highly of someone else. Hearing a guy give credit to another (and especially God) when He’s been blessed is equivalent to the ecstasy a man gets when a girl flashes him. Pair that with a raw, manly passion (in the gym, in the office, in bed, and in life in general), and suddenly, I’m smitten. I want him. I’ve got to have him.
When They Display Modern-day Chivalry
A guy doesn’t have to show up on your doorstep with a sword and horse-driven carriage (although I’ve had friends who have done that), but having a servant's heart will take you far.
Being chivalrous means you are a leader. You’re fearless. You open doors for others, speak politely, and don’t eat like a pig. It means you help with house chores (without asking for the most part). You appreciate women and want to fight for them.
However, protecting a woman and fighting for her can also look like a guy who is confident enough to talk to a woman and share his thoughts with her. Or, even a guy who takes charge, grabs a girl’s hand and leads her down the aisle at church (or into the club).
One woman said it’s sexy when men do “‘guy things’ like airing up my tires and hanging pictures.” I could not agree more. There’s value in having your man take you shopping or watching a “chick-flick” with you, but one of the sexiest things about a man is just that — his manliness.
Do I want to wake up at 3 a.m. to hunt, gut a pig, and skip bathing for 3 or more days? No. Do I think it’s okay for men? Sure.
Knowing that a man can take care of himself without a mother (a role in which no woman should play to the man whom with she sleeps) is one of the biggest turn-on’s. (Note that this is totally different from a man valuing and loving his mother.)
When They Try to Look Good
One of the biggest misconceptions about “hotness” is that a person has to fit a certain mold. Just like most guys answered last time, women agreed that a man’s “hotness” is bumped up a notch by simply trying.
To me, seeing a guy in the gym automatically puts them above Joe Schmoe outside (unless he’s exercising outdoors — hah). When a guy is trying to look good, it tells a girl he’s willing to pursue her, to fight for her, to impress her — because she is desirable. (I know … That’s pretty deep, huh?)
“If they’re willing to let their appearances go, then chances are, they aren’t too worried about what you think of them either.” — B
Women want to be pursued, and if they feel like a guy doesn’t care what she thinks, she won’t feel like that guy desires her. Active and healthy lifestyles show women that a guy cares about his future, that he cares about being there for his family as he ages.
When They Try
It can be as easy as taking note of a woman’s likes and dislikes. One girl’s first response to my question said sexy is “a man who still wears cologne even when he’s been married a few years because he knows how much his wife loves that smell.”
Lounging in the recliner, playing X-box, and watching someone else work is unacceptable, one woman says. One of the simplest things a man can do is just ask if someone needs help.
Also, the flirtation shouldn’t stop just because you’ve been with a girl for a couple years, and it still shouldn’t stop when you’ve been married for 20. Brief moments of tenderness and vulnerability are invaluable to a woman. Always say, “I love you” and kiss your girl goodbye. Send her the occasional sweet texts just because you’re thinking about her. You will not be disappointed. (Ladies, don’t take this stuff for granted.)
A relationship with God is key, no matter what your gender. It doesn’t matter where you are in your spiritual walk as long as you’re trying to walk with God. We’ve all got issues and hang-ups and things about our past that make it hard for us to connect with others, but the most important thing to consider is whether a man has welcomed God’s presence on his path or if he’s doing it alone.
Girls, you cannot change a man. Stop chasing after guys trying to change them (we’ve all done it).
A man has to be a leader. It’s a man’s responsibility to initiate in order to protect his family. A woman has to respect her man and allow him to fulfill his God-given role (and that’s a separate struggle), but a man must engage her emotionally, physically and spiritually.
What did I miss? I appreciate your comments!